Now that I was clear on where I stood with regards to not just leadership in general, but the dynamic with “Don” in particular, I was ready to move forward.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I may be very clear on where I stand and what I want, but I have no control over what the other person is going to do. And so I must step forward realizing that what’s right for me may not make work for the other person. It is a real possibility that we may not be able to work something out. I have to come to grips with that.
And so I laid out my values: I said, “I understand that you’re unhappy here. It’s very important to me that in the work you do, it be a situation that you’re happy with, be it here or somewhere else. You need to make that decision.”
With that I was signaling to him that I wasn’t going to pursue him, but rather I’d leave him to get clear on what he needed, and where he wanted to be. Then we can have a productive discussion, rather than just an emotionally charged “pointed exchange of views.”
And so with the clarity of my values, I stepped into the emotional pressure, not knowing what would happen.
© 2007 Paul Konasewich